A Wicked Little Mind who does Alternative Modeling and is a bit of a nerdy fangirl.
Oh well!
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First week of my new job and I am loving it thus far. My voice is soar from all the talking. I had to be very firm with one of our clients.

I’ve been carrying a pen and journal around. I just need to remember there is no such thing as stupid thought, even if it is, write it down regardless.

Since I started my job, I have been happier.

Though, I am annoyed I haven’t been working out and stretching as I should. For a couple of days I didn’t because I was sick.

It showed in my Aerial class alas. I was winded/tired immediately.

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My Aerial show is in December and I am nervous. It’s a dream come true right now. I don’t want to fail. I must keep telling myself I will succeed. I must manifest this awesome vision of being this spectacular entertainer who do acrobatics, dance, act, fire dance gracefully. Especially, to be able to mix it up!

Anything else?
I don’t know what to say or what I can reveal. There are spies everywhere! *gasp*

I am a bit concerned. One my friends helped who many whistleblowers escape and was part of the occupy movement is getting harassed by the cops constantly. It is hurting his spirit. I want to help be an emotional shoulder for him. He said he might move out of the country. Luckily he has the high demanding job.

I want to go with him.

Part of me does feel slightly lonely. A friend who I was developing a close relationship with is having trouble with his life. I am longing to sit next to him, hear him share his court cases and stories of his former days in Russia.

They really brought comfort to him.  The way he lightens up when he goes on about his life.


I’ll guess I put on some Alexander Rybak…Alexander Rybak always makes things great.

Reblogged from mtgfan  315 notes


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You ever notice how feelings complicate day to day interactions with your more-than-friends-but-not-quite-significant peoples in your life? Especially when they're no longer there?

what? Can you please explain?

Better than that?

Whenever I talk about my days in porn and my experiences, there is a moment where I sigh and smile. I will comment that I would like to get back into Kink.com and more Fetish modeling if I had time. But, I often remind myself because I would prefer a more stable life, that’s the reason I didn’t pursue it.

However, I get people comment about how, “You are better than that. I shouldn’t do it.”

Often times, I want to give them a big FUCK YOU. 

I understand for most women I see in talks shows or in the media where they talk about the exploitations they experience, this career path can be damaging. 

Well, it wasn’t for me.

I will raise my chin up high and tell people how being a fetish model and doing porn helped me. 

I learned to love my body, I met amazing people, and I got to learn the variety of ways I can pleasure myself. Oh yeah, it kept food on the table. 

And, as I said, I have met some extraordinary  people. By saying, “I am better than that.” when it comes to doing adult work, is insulting to my friends. 

The only time I have ever felt the slightly…teeny…millimeter of shame of what I have done is when couples have broke up because of my work. I have had jealous girlfriends use me for a reason to why their relationship has ended with their men…